Forgiveness is the key….

Inspiration on a journey again, only this time the carriage is empty. Funny how my moments of inspiration always happen when I am away from home. Tried to make peace with my past but it kept coming back to haunt me so finally I decided to confront it.

There was no sunshine when he had stayed, smelt of whiskey in the early morning, I wondered if the vomit stained vest clinging onto his beer belly was the future I had yet to realise. Disgusted and haunted and afraid. A silent child with no words to speak but “hello”. Oh how life you have robbed me off opportunities to engage in conversation, laugh and play and just be sane, instead I was entertained by the thoughts of death and its companions…or rather depressed at the thought. I remember that summer….the sun added a gold tint to my complexion and I lay on the sofa like a mad man would talking to a therapist, releasing their innermost thoughts to the professional, except there was no one. Just my imagination rewinding and playing death as I saw it. Move 4 years later and I hear loud voices attacking her, fists propelling faster than I could perceive, eyes larger than that ball with the dimples, oh yeah golf, oh yeah I should have taken the catalogue, oh yeah I should run to the door, oh yeah I mustn’t forget her, oh yeah her belly is absolutely round now. Continue reading “Forgiveness is the key….”

Beautiful package, beautiful gift…..

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I couldn’t help but share this with the world after seeing this passage today from “Woman thou art loosed” edition KJV Bible by T.D Jakes, it’s so encouraging to anyone who may feel lost in themselves for a moment or for a long time. Based on Colossians 1:9-11….

The greater part of your attractiveness — the part that draws or attracts other people to you – is on the inside, not on your flesh. Our society spends billions of dollars a year to convince you to buy hundreds, even thousands of dollars worth of clothes and make-up in order to fix  up something that doesn’t really matter all that much. We spend countless hours at beauty salons and spas and malls in order to buy, acquire, or create the things we think will draw other people to us, but which actually have very little drawing power. What you create or design on the outside of yourself may  turn a head or two, but it is powerless to turn a mind or a heart.

You are bombarded daily with messages that tell you that if you will only go to the right weight-loss centre and get down to the right size, dye your hair the right shade, go to the right spa, use the right toothpaste, put on the right make-up, wear the right outfit at the right time, and be seen in the right places with the right people, then you will most certainly be able to attract the right man and have the right children and  live in the right neighbourhood and enjoy the right kind of life!

When we do this and nothing “right” happens for us, we are puzzled. We sit back and ask, “What went wrong?” This is what went wrong: We became the merchandise for those who tried to sell us the merchandise.

We’ve been had! The average woman, Christians included will spend thousands of dollars this year on hats and hair colour, earrings and evening dresses. Sadly, they will make no real investment to build or support those inner qualities that truly attract others to us and to Jesus Christ our Saviour. If you are only concerned with what you look like, you are going to be very shallow, superficial person. People are going to find that once they have quite playing with you, the box you came in was beautifully wrapped, but empty.

Go back to the source of your attractiveness—the Holy Spirit of God. He is the one who woos and wins the heart. When you are His woman, He will draw you to the right people for the right purposes at just the right time

All around me I see images and adverts showing me, friends and family telling me what I should look like when what I should look like makes me feel even more self conscious. To that I say “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” and “my worth is far above rubies”. A woman’s self-worth is impossible to crack if she knows how much of value she is when God is her creator. Enjoy your day people people and share the love.

My Inspiration…..a rough morning

My Topic…..value

My Opinion…..stated

Control of self-control…….

What do i mean by control of self-control, it sounds confusing huh?!?

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I am a self confessed control freak and I am not talking about OCD type that needs everything to align with the corners of the table. I am talking about the type that organises her life in her mind and expects everything to go that way without any amendments or errors kind of control freak. So what happens when the world defecates on my rainbow and says “I’m bringing rain and thunder today”…..I return the favour and stir up an internal hurricane that miraculously seems to avoid every human being encountered. I fear the day my anger is unleashed to the world and the innocent by stander who receives the head butt that not only knocks them down but due to my elevated adrenaline levels and over estimation of my powers, I instantly achieve a 4 day migraine…one can only say in disappointment “weakling!!!”

Still, one cannot deny that the feeling of independence brings one joy and stability, of course independence isn’t always a good thing. One can often become trapped in themselves and refuse the assistance of others even though it may benefit them greatly. It’s that kind of stubbornness that causes the rise in blood pressure and feeling of inferiority as you pick up the phone and say words that you have tried to avoid…”I need your help”. A feeling of vulnerability occurs…..exposure of your weakness. Only a friend will say nothing and allow you to gather and order the words needed to help understand the situation……….only a friend and God. Nobody likes to admit that their lives are in chaos and it takes a great amount of humility to do so. Again what do I mean by ‘control of self-control’…..it’s trying to maintain that balance between controlling your life and allowing the input of others. We allow ourselves to get so  caught up in our own way of doing things that we don’t leave space for people or God to intervene. It is not until we are on the brink of giving up if not just completely exhausted our energy that we say “I am done” then God says “let me show you what I can do”.

 

My Inspiration….Me

My topic…Self control

My opinion…Stated

Do you love me now…..

I leave you with this beautiful song by Nneka which seems to bring about moments of sadness, confusion, hurt, doubt and moments of compromise. The world is full of deceit and devious minds that may act innocent but it’s only later on that you find out the extent of the damage. Somebody once told me to put all my trust in God and not in man because with man, you surely will be disappointed….after all we are lead by our emotions. I find that with God, I don’t even have to ask or do anything for Him to love me, He just does. That is what He is….Love. I hope you find that and believe that for yourself too.

My inspiration……music

My topic…..life

My opinion……stated

Romancipatience……

My first official post on relationships…..here goes.

Romancipatience…as you can guess it’s about romance and patience. For too long I’ve heard my girl-friends say that they want to be in a relationship, that they are sick of being single, why doesn’t anybody want me?!? and so the story goes. On the contrary my guy- friends are open to talking about women and their views on relationships but aren’t willing to make the big “commitment”…yes the guys take their time whilst the girls are in a hurry and none are willing to compromise….(that one will have a post of its own soon).

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Continue reading “Romancipatience……”