Not all superheroes wear capes, but every superhero has a duel identity living a normal life.
I was trapped in a cycle of people pleasing, giving to people and the organisation but I was left empty and depleted mentally, emotionally and financially. This day marks 18 weeks since I left my job of 7 years to recover from burn out and to find my centre again. Working from home and working on casework related to domestic abuse and other forms of violence against women and girls took a toll on me for the long term.
Trapped in a cycle of going way above the average and feeling overwhelmed by expectations to be excellent and great. I just wanted to be regular; I wanted to feel human again and that I could crumble and it would be ok. My body gave in first. It was one moment I remember when a colleague had mentioned that I spoke about fulfilling an ambition 2 years before and I hadn’t moved forward with it. I realised then that I was in limbo and I would remain in that place until I decided to do something different. So I followed the great resignation and quit; that’s when I felt the burn out kick in.
If you’ve never experienced burn out before; it feels like you’re mentally and physically defeated and your body feels mistreated and denied of access to care; like when a flower withers out of neglect not that it’s season was over. No longer will it accept responsibility; it will just give up on itself until you decide to add in some self-care.
How am I recovering? I still am. It’s a long road to recovery but I remind myself to take each day as it comes, sing when I can, paint, draw, garden, run, scream and do anything in between that will get me back on the road again. Slowly, I’ll be back to form. I hope that if you’re going through the same that you learn to be kind to your body and your mind. I might start posting some draft pieces or some new pieces.