What do i mean by control of self-control, it sounds confusing huh?!?
I am a self confessed control freak and I am not talking about OCD type that needs everything to align with the corners of the table. I am talking about the type that organises her life in her mind and expects everything to go that way without any amendments or errors kind of control freak. So what happens when the world defecates on my rainbow and says “I’m bringing rain and thunder today”…..I return the favour and stir up an internal hurricane that miraculously seems to avoid every human being encountered. I fear the day my anger is unleashed to the world and the innocent by stander who receives the head butt that not only knocks them down but due to my elevated adrenaline levels and over estimation of my powers, I instantly achieve a 4 day migraine…one can only say in disappointment “weakling!!!”
Still, one cannot deny that the feeling of independence brings one joy and stability, of course independence isn’t always a good thing. One can often become trapped in themselves and refuse the assistance of others even though it may benefit them greatly. It’s that kind of stubbornness that causes the rise in blood pressure and feeling of inferiority as you pick up the phone and say words that you have tried to avoid…”I need your help”. A feeling of vulnerability occurs…..exposure of your weakness. Only a friend will say nothing and allow you to gather and order the words needed to help understand the situation……….only a friend and God. Nobody likes to admit that their lives are in chaos and it takes a great amount of humility to do so. Again what do I mean by ‘control of self-control’…..it’s trying to maintain that balance between controlling your life and allowing the input of others. We allow ourselves to get so caught up in our own way of doing things that we don’t leave space for people or God to intervene. It is not until we are on the brink of giving up if not just completely exhausted our energy that we say “I am done” then God says “let me show you what I can do”.
My topic…Self control