Without him i found Him….

A bit of a throwback thursday from an unpublished post written 4.5 years ago…read on..
It’s funny how you think that no one will ever understand what you have been through until one day a friend hears your story and says “heard it all before”. All this time you thought that your problem was unfix-able, unrepairable so you don’t speak about it because no one will get you, but then you start to repeat it in the hope that someone will fix it. It’s no secret that women who lack the fatherly figure during their early years struggle to become the women that God created them to be. The father may be present but emotionally distant. This leaves the girl feeling rejected, empty and constantly doubting her own self worth…that is if she felt worth anything to start with.

Its hard having experienced that because as you grow older you lack self-confidence because you never had that the emotional support by your father or you may have heard echos of disappointment. You constantly seek for some sort of acceptance from others but then end up giving too much of yourself  away not realising that people are not that careful with your heart. I for one am too familiar with this story and it’s a testimony to how I received the love that God had for me.

I admit it was a bit cliché with the whole daddy not there thing but really that’s the way the story goes. I suffered from anxiety and depression for a whole lot of my teens because I didn’t feel loved by my own father. All I wanted him to say was that I made him proud but that day never came. Having never been told how precious I was and how valuable I was as a child of God, I developed a self-hatred towards myself . I had very low self-esteem and didn’t think I was worth anything. So I come to university and I made a great friend who bluntly told me the truth about myself.

There I was telling the story again and blaming everyone else for MY emotional distresses except myself and then my friend tells me that I am not alone in my situation. From that day on I don’t think I looked at life the same again. It was such a small thing but it made a big difference to my life. One day I thought I was the unique individual that had a life that no one has ever had and then the next it’s revealed to me that it has happened to someone else. My first thought was “oh, so I’m not that special then”, it sounds selfish but that’s what i thought. This then made me feel pathetic for allowing myself to believe such lies that were being fed into me. I couldn’t believe it because it was the first time that i had taken responsibility for the way i felt about myself. I was miserable because of me and not anyone else. i called myself a Christian yet I hadn’t accepted the love that God had for me. Of course knowing this and finding out that I was broken allowed me to do some self-seeking and begin the healing process. I admit it has been hard but the journey that God put me on could and can only be completed by me.

If anything this is a post to let anyone out there know that you are not alone in your situation. God is there to help you, He sacrificed His only Son so that we don’t have to deal with all the emotional turmoil that life has to offer. The burden is not for you to bear. You should leave it up to the Lord to deal with because He wants to.

You cannot say you love God unless you receive His love because He loved you first. Before He put you on this earth He created you in His mind. It’s unfortunate that you may have experienced life this way but press on and seek Him and He will heal your heart.

“All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord”-no matter what you’re going through, it is happening so God can mold you into a righteous person. Have faith in His doings and trust in Him.

“it’s quite late so I’m sorry for so many typos and grammar mistakes”

Inspiration…love restored

Topic…Fathers love



Published by Surafi KB

Jesus, Jazz & Coffee

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